Let’s be real—some people only call when they need something. They disappear when you’re struggling, but the moment you have something they want—status, success, or connections—they suddenly “always believed in you.” If your phone didn’t ring when you were in the trenches, should you really pick up when you’re winning?
The answer isn’t always simple. As people of faith and integrity, we want to be kind and forgiving. But kindness does not mean being naive. Let’s talk about reciprocity, wisdom, and when it’s time to let that call go to voicemail.
What Is Reciprocity, and Why Does It Matter?
Reciprocity is the natural give-and-take in relationships. It doesn’t mean keeping score, but it does mean that both people contribute something—support, time, encouragement, effort.
Healthy relationships have balanced reciprocity:
- You show up for each other, even when life isn’t glamorous.
- You celebrate each other’s wins and walk through struggles together.
- You don’t base friendship on what someone can do for you.
But then there’s one-sided reciprocity, where someone only engages when it benefits them. They:
- Disappear when you’re going through a hard time.
- Ignore your calls when you need support.
- Suddenly show up when they see your success.
That’s not friendship. That’s opportunism.
Biblical Wisdom on One-Sided Relationships
The Bible has a lot to say about this. One of the clearest verses is:
“The poor are shunned even by their neighbors, but the rich have many friends.” — Proverbs 14:20
That’s exactly how some people operate. If they think you have nothing to offer, they’re nowhere to be found. But the moment you start winning, they want back in.
A perfect biblical example? The Prodigal Son’s “friends.”
- When he had money, he was surrounded by people.
- The second he was broke, they vanished (Luke 15:13-14).
That’s how transactional people work. They’re not invested in you, they’re invested in what you have.
Even Jesus experienced this. The crowds loved Him when He was performing miracles, but when He was arrested, how many stuck around?
When NOT to Pick Up That Phone
There’s a difference between extending grace and letting people take advantage of you. Here’s when it’s wise not to pick up:
1. When They Ignored You in Your Struggle
If someone knew you were going through hard times but intentionally distanced themselves, that tells you everything. Real friends don’t only show up for the highlight reel.
2. When They Only Reach Out for Their Benefit
Do they actually care about reconnecting, or are they looking for a handout, connection, or favor? Opportunistic people don’t invest in relationships—they use them.
3. When They’re Playing the “I Always Believed in You” Card
When someone who ignored your struggle suddenly wants to celebrate your success, it’s often about their image, not you. Ask yourself: Did they believe in you, or did they just wait to see if you became “valuable” enough to acknowledge?
4. When You’re Just a Convenience, Not a Priority
Some people treat friendships like a vending machine—they only show up when they want something. But real relationships require consistency, not convenience.
How to Handle These Situations with Wisdom
- Be Kind, But Don’t Be a Doormat.
You don’t have to be rude, but you also don’t have to give them access to your life. “No” is a complete sentence. - Discern, Don’t Assume.
Some people distance themselves because they’re struggling too. Before cutting them off, consider: Did they disappear out of selfishness or their own hardship? - Let Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
If they say they care, let their effort prove it. Consistency over time is the best test. - Remember That Forgiveness Doesn’t Require Reconnection.
Jesus calls us to forgive (Matthew 6:14-15), but He never said we have to re-enter toxic relationships.
Final Thought: Guard Your Energy, Protect Your Peace
Not every call deserves an answer. Not every relationship deserves a second chance.
God places the right people in your life at the right time. Some friendships are seasonal, and that’s okay. It’s not about holding grudges—it’s about guarding your peace and making room for people who truly value you.
So the next time someone calls after a long silence, ask yourself:
Did they love me when I was unseen, or only when I became valuable to them?
And if the answer isn’t right, it’s okay to let it go to voicemail.
What’s Your Take?
Have you ever had someone disappear when you struggled but show up when you succeeded? How did you handle it? Email me! I’d love to hear your thoughts.
