Especially if you grew up in a culture where your identity was tied to your community, your last name, or your family’s reputation, you were likely shaped by collectivist values. In collectivist cultures, the group comes first. The individual represents the whole. And any action—good or bad—is a direct reflection on the entire family or community.
So what happens?
- You start living to protect the image of others.
- You silence your voice so you don’t “disrespect” anyone.
- You suppress your needs to avoid being called selfish.
- You feel responsible for other people’s emotions, choices, and mistakes.
- And you call it maturity.
But what it really is… is enmeshment.
Enmeshment blurs the line between love and obligation. It makes it hard to tell where you end and others begin. It demands unity without boundaries—and that’s not biblical.
Even Jesus had boundaries.
He pulled away from the crowd.
He didn’t explain Himself to everyone.
He disappointed people who wanted Him to play a different role.
He didn’t allow emotional manipulation to control His mission.
Love doesn’t require you to lose yourself.
Honor doesn’t require you to carry someone else’s dysfunction.
And maturity doesn’t mean abandoning your identity to preserve peace.
If you’ve been called “difficult” for setting boundaries…
If guilt rises every time you try to prioritize your healing…
If you were taught that obedience means emotional sacrifice…
You’re not crazy. You’re waking up.
You can unlearn enmeshment and still be a person of honor.
You can walk in love without losing your voice.
And you can be part of a culture without being controlled by it.
This is the work of emotional and spiritual maturity.
This is what real transformation looks like.
If this hit your gut, start with my workbook: Healing the Inner Child
It’s a guided space to help you untangle old programming, process buried pain, and come back home to the you beneath the roles.
